180°

I need to read more.

In the past week I’ve learned that Mother Teresa was a horrible person, and that Machiavelli was a cool dude.

Yes. Seriously. Is your mind blown? Because I feel like someone just shoved a stick of dynamite in my ear and lit the fuse.

It’s like being told that the black hats in the cowboy movies were always the good guys, you just didn’t know it.

"Those bulletholes I put in your chest
are seriously misunderstood."

And honestly, I was seriously bummed about the Mother Teresa thing. This was supposed to be someone you could look up to, not someone who purposely let people die who could have been saved, because she was only interested in working with dying people, because their suffering let her feel closer to God.  Then I find out that the whole reason people saw Machiavelli as a scheming douche, was because of one thing he wrote, The Prince, which was an outline on how he thought the Medicis should run the government. Except, wait... he didn’t think that. Everything else he ever proposed or wrote went exactly counter to that. It’s pretty much the same as going to the ice cream stand, the server handing you a cone where half the ice cream is dripping down the side already, and you saying, “Thanks. Next time please just put it in my hand.” And then you get a pile of soft-serve in your hand for the rest of your life, because no one gets that you didn’t actually mean that. This one interpretation of the facts has blackened this guy’s memory for a couple hundred years. My dear hobos, it leads me to ask myself questions about who can I trust? Clearly, not most of history. Or the teachers who teach it. Can’t trust the media machine that comes through the TV. Or dick government officials. But these are all things outside myself. I can trust myself. To look things up, to dig a little deeper. I can trust the people closest to me to be good people. I can be secure in the knowledge that no matter how crazy the world is, or whatever thoughts you have about man being essentially good or evil -- fact is, there are good people out there. So, I’m not feeling quite so disheartened anymore about Miss Calcutta being awarded Miss Congeniality. If we have to look for heroes, there are plenty of regular people in this world more deserving. And if that fails, there’s always Machiavelli.

Like a Sailor

I swear. Not even like a sailor, but like a conscripted privateer for the Queen of England. I'm only mentioning this, because in the near future this blog might be RIFE with swearing due to increased pain.

If you have virgin ears and are saving those cherries until you get married or something, this is not the place to be.

Mostly, I'm isolated in my own little world anyway, so it doesn't matter. It's me and my dad, who is in his late 70s. I try to hold my tongue for him. I used to live in a house where I wasn't allowed to say "that sucks," because my mom didn't like the word. Now, if I get angry enough, I'll be shouting a rowdy "motherfucker" at the top of my lungs.

For all you people out there who feel oh so offended if a person within a one mile radius of you mutters the word 'fuck'....

Why?

I use to convey annoyance, pain, anger, excitement, surprise, and dismay. It's an emphasis. And these words have been in the English language forever. Doesn't look like they're going away.

I fully believe there is a time and a place.

If someone annoys me while I'm with them, I'm not going to swear at them and call them a bitch.

I'm not going to ask my waiter what took him all fucking day to bring me Olive Garden breadsticks, but I might say to my friends at the table... man, these breadsticks are fucking delicious.

I'm not going to swear in front of a kid.

You might take the above as, "oh, so you know it is wrong then."

Here is the thing about swearing in front of a kid. I, as an adult of sound mind and unhealthy body, can make the distinction of what situations are appropriate, how to use it as emphasis and not to crush someone's special snowflake soul.

A kid doesn't have that capability yet. I know it isn't a good idea to be in a conversation with an authority figure and use that language. But a kid can't reason that out and has less impulse control even if he does. So, they very well could go into class, get annoyed with a teacher at the amount of homework and say, "are you fucking kidding me? This shit blows!"

It's the same reason you don't toss a set of car keys to a 10 year old. Could they reach the pedals? Maybe. But they just aren't ready yet.

"Wanna play real live Mario Cart?!"

Does it come off as a bit disrespectful? Yeah, probably.

Here is the question you need to ask yourself.

Is the person trying to disrespect you?

If so, by all means, be offended.

If not, then why is your skin so thin that words in a sentence from a person who isn't actively trying to disrespect you, and might not be talking about anything to do with you, offend your delicate sensibilities?

Toughen up, buttercup.

Working Up To It

Okay, so what do you need to know about me?

I am a female person. I thrive on sarcasm. I love to make people laugh. I have strong Google-Fu (come at me bro), I hate passive-aggressive people, although sometimes I am that way myself (working on getting better about that).

I have chronic pain and I'm working on getting better about that too.

Because of the above, I am a robot. Not even kidding. I have machine parts in me that send electrical impulses to the nerve endings in my head. I have to charge the battery. Basically, when Skynet comes along, it is gonna be my bitch.

What should you expect from this blog? A place for me to lay down my thoughts, dark, humorous or otherwise.