One in four, one in six

There's a trend out there, a way of phrasing things, that's bothered me for awhile now. I got inspired to actually put down some words about it, so here you go... 

(Gosh, I'm being ultra serious lately.)


I'm leaving the names out, because I don't want to cause a lynch mob. That's not the point of this. However, these are actual quotes.

• "After work, I'm going to go through a list and do some TL raping of my favorites, so if you wake up to a star-banging, it's cuz I love you."
  
  
• "im gonna rape everyone with favorites"
  
  
• "Not new to RP or Twitter. So rape that follow button. RT"
  
  
• "Oh. If you come to RP, rape my mentions if you want. I don't mind."
  
  
• "RAPE DAT FOLLOW AND RETWEET BUTTON"

It is a cross-section of people who say this, not only men, not only women, not only teenagers. And this doesn't happen only on twitter. Facebook gets their share of, "My likes got raped." Tumblr has it said of their reblogs.



I'm sure some people would like to say the following to me:

1. Twitter is a public place. If you can't handle it, then you shouldn't be there.
   
2. It is my twitter. I have the right to phrase things how I want.
   
3. It's not like I'm actually saying I want to rape someone. You're taking being PC too far.
   
4. I'm on Twitter to hang with my friends. If one of my friends told me that bothered them, I'd stop. We all get that it's a joke. 

I'm not going to say that none of those statements have merit. And I'm not out to harass people who use the phrase. What I will say is this...



We live in a culture where colleges expel rape victims for reporting their rape and let their accusers go on to graduate.


We live in a culture where whole towns protect rapists when they happen to be on the sports team. Not just kids at school, but actions or lack of action drive the victims to to suicide attempts, or incite vandalizing the family house, etc. The victim is immediately called a liar or slut-shamed.


We live in a culture where a county prosecutor tells a mother whose five year old was raped by an adolescent that "boys will be boys."



We live in a culture where District Attorneys, when having physical evidence and a confession from the rapist, still decide not to prosecute.



So for those of you who think that people who want to take the concept of rape seriously are out of line, I would suggest you look at our society. Because we clearly don't take it seriously enough, when we still have the perspective that the victim got him or herself into it, and the assailant just couldn't help themselves.



And for those of you who say, "those situations had nothing to do with me"....


You are a human being. You are part of society. Therefore, you have an impact on your culture. You might not want that responsibility, but -- too bad -- you're alive and part of communities, whether online, at work, or at school. When you are dismissive of rape, you are putting it out into the world that it isn't something to be taken seriously. Make no mistake, putting sexual assault on the same level as excessive twitter usage is being dismissive.



To potential rapists, the message is that those actions aren't that big of a deal. To potential victims, the message is that they shouldn't take it seriously if it happens to them. They bear shame for being upset, they are more likely to blame themselves for having it happen, and they are less likely to report it. To actual victims, they're left feeling unsupported -- that their family or friends aren't going to take it seriously, that the police or their college will not take them seriously. To victims, comments like this might trigger them back to that traumatic moment.




Now.... Is it your job to censor your words so that nothing you say ever upsets anyone? 

Of course not! And please don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm saying that you don't have the RIGHT to say it, because you do. But guys, why would you want to?



I'm honestly asking, because I think it should probably be a question that is asked. The phrase isn't some bundle of wit from Oscar Wilde. Is it that important to you to say it? Do you think rape honestly adds something amusing to the sentence? Do you feel like you're providing some kind of shock value when you're saying it, like a middle-school kid swearing? Do you feel cooler when you phrase it that way? Do you feel like that's the best way to let people know you really want a follow or a retweet?


And the question starts becoming, are you really going to fight for your rights to say something which you have to know is upsetting to someone? Are all the reasons above worth that?

That is something that only you can decide. Like I said, you have the right to say it.

Then again, you also have the right to lick the banister that goes does into the subway. 

Bet somebody peed on that.

The final thing that I'll say, that I hope you'll think about:


You might think that of the people on your twitter follower list, there are very few people who have been sexually assaulted. That at most, you're maybe only upsetting one person, and you probably aren't close with them. They probably just need to get a sense of humor and some therapy, right?


Here are the stats:


1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted. 1 in 6 men will be.


So if you have 400 followers, statistically, 60-100 of your followers have been/will be sexually assaulted at some point during their lives. 80% of sexual assaults happen before a person hits age 30.

Of those 60-100 followers, only 3-20 of them ever reported it (statistic: only 5-20% of sexual assaults are reported). So if you're depending on your twitter followers to be open with you about something traumatic in their life, you may end up holding your breath.


I'm hoping that maybe you just think for a few minutes about those 60-100 people who follow you on twitter, and opt for a slightly more compassionate approach. 

Because for an awful lot of people, rape isn't just a word.