Friendships are supposed to be a two-way street. And blocking people out continually, or taking absolutely no interest in what is going on in their lives, or dropping them for a boyfriend or your newer, cooler friends or whatever.... this is a very one-way street method. Making it so that you're the only one in the relationship who is allowed to have expectations and needs met - that's also one-way. Not asking for what you need, but having the expectation that someone should dig to find out..? I'm sure you get the point. There's a lot of various ways of making people jump through hoops for you.
I am not saying that you should always be close to the same people, and if you're not - you are somehow a bad friend. People change over time, grow apart. They disappoint you, hurt you, and not everything is easy to forgive. Leaving people behind happens. A friend for life isn’t just a rare bird, it is a fucking archeopteryx.
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| "Someone remembered I existed!" |
What I am saying is that, if you're choosing the one-way method, if you do not share of yourself unless someone asks first, you shouldn’t then wonder why your friends are no longer involved in your life. Jumping through those hoops is tiresome, and they might just have a few of their own needs they need to have met.
This is a world with facebook, email, texting, Skype, twitter, and cell phones. To say you cannot get in contact with people is kind of ridiculous.
This isn’t to say there aren’t reasons for a lapse in communication over a period of time; people get busy or have perfectly valid reasons for not being around. And good friendships aren’t based on needing each other 24/7 anyway. Space to breathe is a good fucking thing.
The other side of the coin is that, because we have access to so many methods of easy communication, this is the trend I’ve noticed...
People are willing to be friends with you so long as it is easy for them. Long gone are the days where when you called your friend up at home, you were attached to the wall with a cord. Where you could only talk to one friend at a time. Where mailing letters was actually one of the top methods of communication, and with a fucking pen, no less.
How many people would you actually talk to if you had to really concentrate on the conversation? If you had to be invested in what they had to say and put things on hold to hear it? If you had to find out how their week went, because what the fuck else are you gonna talk about? How many people would you actually talk to if you had to step up and meet some expectations set forth by someone else?
As much as I love the technology of the era, I kinda think it is a damn shame that people don’t necessarily have to make an effort anymore. There are so many people, and so many ways to talk, and - especially on the internet - you aren't asked to give a lot in return. People don’t have to think about it. So their relationships become an exercise in who meets their needs. They'll lay out hoops and watch who will leap through.
The point? Next time that thought creeps up on you, that you want people to talk to, that you feel abandoned? Try making the effort and initiating. Take a look at whoever it is you feel is failing you as a friend, and ask yourself honestly if you've been trying to succeed at being theirs.
Better yet, try doing that before it gets to the point that you're only doing it mostly because you feel bored, or because you're seeking someone to meet your expectations.
Go into it with the hope of meeting theirs.
Archeopteryx will thank you for it.
Note: I cannot begin to express how happy I am that I worked archeopteryx into an actual post. I feel a-smart.
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