ROY G. BIV

There’s a new ebay commercial on TV, to let people know how easy it is to bid by their mobile device. A man in an auditorium with a woman by his side, who is, I assume, supposed to be his wife. There is a children’s school play on stage; we can presume that their children are involved in the production somehow.

And sitting in the audience, the man starts bidding on rims for his car. 


The tagline for this is “when it’s on your mind.”

Ebay. Because fuck everything else.

I try not to take advertising too seriously, because it isn’t like they’re usually supposed to encourage good habits anyway. McDonald’s has never tried the McModeration meal. But it drove a point home a point of ire I had earlier anyway.

Lazy fuckin’ parents. Rude fuckin’ people.

Because the above behavior is literally what is happening. We aren’t paying attention to anything important in front of us, because we’ve arbitrarily decided that whatever is on the small screen in front of us is clearly the most important.

Life is actually happening around us when we are typing about it. I’m sure as hell guilty of this behavior, but stopped being attached to my phone when hanging around with friends.

It comes down to the point of why you are where you are. If you are hanging out with your friends, hang out with them. If you are at your brat’s show about the four food groups, watch the kid in the broccoli suit do a dance. Even if Broccoli Kid isn't your kid, he might fall over, you might miss it, and that would be a damn shame. There are lots of moments out there that you could miss out on, because you’re too busy retweeting a funny cat video.

Let it be said, that I am not a parent. I’m well aware that it is a hard and often thankless job, although wonderful. I'm well aware that not being a parent, I cannot be aware of how thankless and wonderful it is. But here is my point of ire from earlier.

When I was a kid, indigo was my favorite out of the famous ROY G. BIV combo. You remember him don't you? The little formula used to make you remember the colors on the spectrum?


But society has given me reason to hate indigo, and here's why.

Indigo, pack your prismatic bags, and get the fuck out.

Indigo children. Children believed to have supernatural abilities and possibly be the next step in human evolution.


I understand the need to think your kid is special. Of course, you want to believe that. We're all special snowflakes. And I'm not even saying that there aren't people out there who are maybe a lot more intuitive to the world around them than everybody else, however you want to interpret that intuitiveness.


However, it looks to be an excuse for a lot of parents to throw up their hands and say, "my child has super powers, why should I get in the way of his development?"


Bad behavior isn't corrected, learning disabilities and mental disorders go unchecked... There's a whole host of negatives. If your kid really is that intuitive, then it is the parent's job to guide that kid, not only how to use their intuition in a beneficial way, but to not be an asshole.


Yes, kids can be assholes. You ever meet someone super selfish, who wants everything done on their time, and pitches a fit if they don't get it? Who literally doesn't seem to understand that the world doesn't revolve around them?


That's most kids - and it's normal - and is corrected when their parents teach them that their tantrum isn't going to be rewarded. They know what they want, not what they need, and for a long time can't think abstractly to consider consequences, especially long-term ones.


This attitude toward "indigo children" (yes, I just rolled my eyes) is the same thing as ignoring your kid for your phone. Difficult situation, he says no?


"Well, he's six - he must know what he wants! Jellybeans for breakfast? He must have super powered teeth that won't rot! Isn't he amazing?!"


It seems like these parents want a free pass on parenting. A free pass for the kid to essentially not interfere with their lives. And the excuse is that they were going to turn out that way anyway. So that means you get to park yourself in front of the couch and watch Cougartown, park your mind in the spot with any distraction other than your life.


I don't know if this behavior is fear, dissatisfaction, or just plain technology addiction. It is the move of an ostrich. They bury their heads in the sand, sand which just happens to be an iPhone.


I do know that these kids are eventually going to be caring for my generation when we're in the nursing home. I really hope they share the goddamn jellybeans.




Note:
If any of you super-powered fuckers give me your black jellybeans, I will find a way to make a shiv out of cards I use to play cribbage.


To everyone else my age - please don't make me play cribbage all the time. I suck at it. 


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